Embrace of the dark side, lust for power
Who is the most alpha? Whose value I need to dimish to raise mine? Do I finally have everything down to the finest detail? Where is the love I used to feel? Who is in control? I am I powerful enough? Who is going to win? Have I lost myself?
Those were the questions I kept asking myself when I took a dangerous visit to the dark side of personal development and personal power.
What is the dark side you might ask? Dark side for me was made of pride, lust for power, power games, resentment, anger, jealousness, fear and feelings of unworthiness. It started as a innocent hobby but did grow to a dark blackhole that did consume almost everything. It caused me to eliminate everything in my life and in myself that I felt was weak, but no matter how much weakness I seemed to get rid off the more I seemed to have. People become pawns on a chessboard of social dynamics and I was there to win.
Having no control was out of the question, being vulnerable was unthinkable, seeing myself as average caused nausea. So where is the happy ending? How did I move from the dark to the light or did I?
I luckily found out that when I have the courage to admit honestly that I am vulnerable and weak I am at my strongest, when I have the courage and strength to love even at risk that I am hurt that is when I find myself happiest.
So I choose love, peace and respect as my way, and to have the courage to walk the journey of a weak, vulnerable and average man.
Those were the questions I kept asking myself when I took a dangerous visit to the dark side of personal development and personal power.
What is the dark side you might ask? Dark side for me was made of pride, lust for power, power games, resentment, anger, jealousness, fear and feelings of unworthiness. It started as a innocent hobby but did grow to a dark blackhole that did consume almost everything. It caused me to eliminate everything in my life and in myself that I felt was weak, but no matter how much weakness I seemed to get rid off the more I seemed to have. People become pawns on a chessboard of social dynamics and I was there to win.
Having no control was out of the question, being vulnerable was unthinkable, seeing myself as average caused nausea. So where is the happy ending? How did I move from the dark to the light or did I?
I luckily found out that when I have the courage to admit honestly that I am vulnerable and weak I am at my strongest, when I have the courage and strength to love even at risk that I am hurt that is when I find myself happiest.
So I choose love, peace and respect as my way, and to have the courage to walk the journey of a weak, vulnerable and average man.
posted by Perttu at 9:24 AM
3 Comments:
Hey nice post.
It's nice that you have opened up yourself during this journey of self discovery.
Keep on blogging,
Erica
Very interesting...to find new aspects of your personality - keep on rocking!
Woah,
Brutally honest! I loved it! Perttu, do you still remember the recognition that was granted for you in Input? I do want to see you living up to that potential of leadership, but it doesn't mean that you couldn't fail. Quite on the contrary, take chances, go out there and make a fool out of yourself, fall flat on your face and do your best. Then one day, when your team says "we did it", you have grown to become that leader.
Carry on! I believe in you!
Your friend from Sri Lanka.
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