my way or the highway...

Lover and the Beast

2008-02-18T14:09:00.000-08:00

When it comes to relationships with women men are beasts and lovers. Beastly man is a man who is driven by animalistic sexual desire and the mental desire to conquer women.
Beastly man is inherently selfish and sees women as means to satisfy his sexual desire. He gives what women seek i.e. emotional connection only as much as is necessary to get laid or to dominate the woman in some way. Man beast a.k.a bad boy is physically very present and has an dominant mindset. By having attitude he is usually successful with women or atleast at getting laid.
This beast is in every man the need to selfishly satisfy sexual desire and the passion to conquer and dominate.

Lover is a man that seeks emotional connection with a woman and enjoys the Yin/feminine polarity and energy.
The lover is not so much turned on by the physical attributes of a woman but by the unique feminine energy and personality.
Lover seeks to connect with the woman deeply but without animalistic desire and dominant nature the relationship usually ends involuntarily into the friendship zone.

To become a man women desire one needs to find the balance between the lover and the beast. The trick is not to deny your inner beast that has passion for women and at the same time appreciate her as the unique person she is.

At the gates of hell

2007-07-28T09:10:00.000-07:00

I have had health related problems lately it's probably nothing but it can also claim my life.
I have always recognized the reality of death it's certain that someday I will surely die the seconds I have can be millions or just a few.

It's funny that even at the risk of losing it all we cling to our path of diminishing returns. I ask what do we have to experience to change nature of ourselves?
Do I have to experience suffering and excruciating pain to learn my lesson and find enlightenment, power and humility?
Maybe it's that we are so prideful and stubborn that only at the gates of hell we will learn our lesson - life is too short to give in to fear.

You have been rejected

2007-01-28T09:33:00.000-08:00

Rejection is a painful thing especially when the rejection comes from a girl that you like. The rejection hurt me especially when I know that I could have been much stronger, more confident and ultimately much better man but just couldn't or didn't do it. I have to face the reality that I simply wasn't the best catch out there. However I have to remind myself that I am only taking the first steps on a long path to become the man I want to be, the man I can always be proud of.
I am striving to have things that no one can take away from me compassion, courage, love, superior confidence, inner peace and total freedom of self expression.

I refuse to hide my insecurities or my weaknesses in material things that this secular culture sells as a cure and a temporary fix.
I absolutely reject the western religion that tells us that by driving a nice car I would be a better man or that money can make me happy. Instead I choose to work on the real issues and ultimately I will become the man who loves without shame, fear or self doubt.
The harsh to reality of it is that to become the man I want to be I have to risk facing rejection on it's every imaginable form without protection of any kind.

The great pretender

2007-01-12T05:29:00.000-08:00

This is not my text but it has my many of my recent thoughts in it so I will share it with you who ever you are. All the kudos and thanks for writing this great article goes to unknown wise man named Tango from brotherhoodofchange forum at www.brotherhoodofchange.com.

The Great Pretender

by Tango

My friends fall by the wayside and I feel selfish but I should not; to archive a success which they dare not follow.

I quit my job. My parents make hushed excuses to their pretentious friends, devastated at the loss of their reflected glory. But I do not care for I strive for something greater.

I ride my new motorcycle and people think I am going through a middle age crisis but at thirty this is no crisis but an awakening.

Why do I embark on this road of change? Is it for me? Yes of course. But why? Sex, power, friends, girls. No. No. No.

I do this to impress somebody. I am desperate to gain their respect, their admiration. I have never met him or her. I don’t know their names but one day they’ll mean more to me than any other. And it is to these little feet which are yet to step upon this world that I find the strength to embark upon this journey of change.

For I ask myself how could I return the gaze of their cute eyes fearing the day they’ll discover I am a fraud?

How could I stand in front of them and tell them to be courageous, when I was not?

How could I encourage a son to find himself a girl, that there are plenty of fish in the sea, when I feared ever to leave the shore?

How could I live with a daughter’s ill founded admiration, fearing the day she’ll discover that I settled for her mother? For the woman I call a wife, for I could find no other? That I settled for a mediocre job because I feared to reach out? That they who call Dad isn’t a man to be admired but a cheap imitation; a great pretender.

How many days can a father trick his sons and daughters that he is a man to be looked up to? At three, four, five it is easy - but the truth will one day be revealed. One day my kids will look at me, and compare me to the other men in this world. They will make their judgment and on that day I promise the sparkle of admiration in their eyes will burn twice as bright.

I want to be the man that leads his family through the rough and the bad and gets them out on top. I want to be the father that teaches my boys about girls, how to hold them, love them with ferocity and learn all the good aspects of this brotherhood that we are striving for. Yes, and my daughters as well.

Do I follow this path of change for myself? Yes. I do it for the respect of my children I have yet to conceive. I do it to know that the wife I will one day marry, will never find a better man. I continue this journey everyday to create a family that I never had, a family brimming with love, stability, compassion and laughter.

To have a family like that, I will conquer any fear.

Bullshit

2006-12-21T09:39:00.000-08:00

Some of my friends told me that I am a bullshit generator because I mostly bullshit about nothing for hours and I do it with people I know or even with people I haven't met before. I am mostly in a happy mood so humor come naturally to me, but the problem is that I have trouble truly connecting with people I can talk and talk but nobody not even I remembers what we talked about the next day.

I read from a forum written by a man wiser than me that there is four different depth levels of communication between people:

1. Facts

2. Emotions/feelings

3. Values

4. Vulnerabilities.

First level has only facts for example following statement has only facts: "I just watched the movie Borat". The problem with first level communication is that if I wanted to connect with other people with just facts I would have to be a walking dictionary with lots of interesting facts.

On the second level I communicate my feelings/emotions for example "I just saw Borat in theater and I just loved it, the wrestling scene just floored me but I am afraid I got a permanent brain trauma from that movie."

On third values level in which I go to rarely in my daily communication however I could say something like this "I just saw Borat in the theater and I really laughed a lot, but when I was thinking about the movie later in home I just couldn't help feeling a bit sad about the lack of tolerance of diversity the people had."

In the fourth vulnerabilities level in which I seem to communicate really rarely, it might be that I am afraid that people might judge me and see me as weak if I show my vulnerabilities. However I can imagine myself saying something like "I just saw Borat in the theater I enjoyed the movie a lot, but when I thought about it I felt sad about the lack of understanding some of the people had for diversity. When I really think about it I also felt a bit ashamed about myself because I have said similar comments and I still have it within myself to react in a negative way to people who are different from me."
The wise man also said that when you are able to talk about your values and vulnerabilities you have to be really sure about yourself and have huge amount of
self-respect.

I seem to linger only on emotional and on boring facts level too much. Maybe it's so that I am still scared to talk about topics with more depth or think that it's boring to talk about stuff that incorporate my values and even vulnerabilities.
I remember that when I am really able to open up and talk about things that really matter to me people usually remember things I have said even years later. So I take this as a challenge and a personal development plan to open up and to bullshit about my values and vulnerabilities with people I meet.

P.S Happy Christmas and remember to open up to your loved ones!

Burn to ashes

2006-12-07T09:33:00.000-08:00

Have you ever heard story of a phoenix bird? Legend tells that it's a bird that once dead rises again from the ashes few days later. What can you learn from that story? A Feng Shui master tells that phoenix bird represents:

"A mythical bird that never dies, the phoenix flies far ahead to the front, always scanning the landscape and distant space. It represents our capacity for vision, for collecting sensory information about our environment and the events unfolding within it. The phoenix, with its great beauty, creates intense excitement and deathless inspiration."

- The Feng Shui Handbook, feng shui Master Lam Kam Chuen

However for me phoenix bird mostly represents the true form of inner strength. The truly strong are not afraid to take emotional or even physical punishment. They know that even if the experience burns them to crispy ashes, they have the strength and the will to pick themselves up from the ashes and to rediscover themselves in the process. That is the secret to personal power first you have to have the will to push yourself out of your comfort zone. Call that girl you like, make that business call to a nasty client, call your friend that just hurt you or start your own business. Whatever it is that makes you uncomfortable do more of it. Secondly if and when you get burned by the experience allow yourself have the strength to rise from the ashes a new like the phoenix bird, you will see that you have emerged stronger.

The days of defeat

2006-10-21T13:13:00.000-07:00

I was an entrepreneur for almost 4 years, before that I have many had hard days but I must admit that the days in business brought me to my knees. Start of a technology company was filled with daily defeats, nasty suprises and just too few bitter sweet victories.
All of the opportunities I had seemed to go to waste and things just didn't go the way I planned them. I was wasting money daily and it seemed at that time that I was wasting my life as well. It was especialy hard because the situation was causing grief to my business partners, but the hardest part was the sadness I saw in my familys eyes when I didn't meet their expectations.
However despite the sleepless nights, the tears, the pain, the fustration, the money lost, friendships burned and grief caused in the end I am happy about it all. The lessons learned, the wisdom gained have pushed me to the path I am on today, the path to true success, happy life.

Getting out of the closet

2006-10-11T13:09:00.000-07:00

There seems to be huge problem with guys, society and I even see the same problem in me. Nowadays most of guys are very insecure about their sexuality and they cannot and don't know how to express it. They are sexualy submissive, passive and lacking masculine qualities and self-respect. Most heterosexual men are practically living in a closet unable to express their sexuality in a masculine way, because of fear and rules of proper behaviour.
Even if some men are able to express sexuality we as men usualy have no idea what women like even if we have had multiple partners.
Why? I think the reason why this is because of media and porn. By watching porn men begin to think that masculine sexuality is expressed by being a grunting dildo. The most important components for good sex are always lacking, intimicy, emotion and trust. It doesn't help that media subcommunicates to us that men have to be good looking, famous, rich, super men to please women. However to really please woman you don't need none of those things.
The most important thing is that your partner trusts you enough to surrender completely into your arms. If you are willing to be the man your partner can surrender to, you will always be able to give most profound sexual experiences and be the lover that women dream about.
If you are willing to travel the same path as I do you will find out that the journey doesn't only take you to the woman's heart but most importantly into your own. No matter how frustrated you are today I can promise from personal experience that you can gain the ability to be the ideal lover, it's our birthright as men.

It's getting dark in here...

2006-10-07T02:54:00.000-07:00

People and media are saying how things are going bad, there is hunger, there is poverty, there is war, there is terrorism, they say that the world we live in is hopeless. However I think that the darker it gets around me the brighter the small light I have is going to get. Hungrier people become for hope easier it becomes to share it.
So I choose to see the world my way. Where I could see despair I choose to see hope, where I could see a loser I choose to see a potential champion, where I could see a failure I choose to see opportunity for success, where I could see weakness I choose to see strength, where I could only see darkness I choose to see the opportunity to shine.

Nature of modern evil

2006-09-29T09:28:00.000-07:00

I see it in the clubs, I see it in the streets, I see it in the university, I see it in other people, I see it in myself. Its a deadly infection unseen by many, spread by most. For the infected the prognosis is not good: empty life, lack of happiness and slow death of the soul.
I was once infected by it and it almost buried me before my time. What are the symptoms of the infection? In my observation the symptoms are passivity, low self-esteem, lack of passion and expression, anger, fustration, cowardice and depression. The infection is also known as niceness. Yes you heard me niceness, and when I say niceness I don't mix it with kindness or with goodness. For example Merriam Webster defines the word nice in following way:
5 : PLEASING, AGREEABLE: a nice time, a nice person.
6: socially acceptable:WELL-BRED: from a nice family.
So what's wrong with a nice person? Niceness is almost always fear and passivity in disguise. Nice person is afraid to voice his/hers opinnion even when right or to be himself or herself because of what others might think. Nice person is nice instead of good and even if not directly making evil actions he/she is a collaborate in evil by not taking a stand againts injustice.
Nice person will smile at you pleasantly with empty look in her/his eyes and does nothing even if you are walking to your doom. So I choose not to be nice and pleasant but kind and good with best of my ability and with all of my strength.

Farewell I will miss you

2006-09-25T07:57:00.000-07:00

My friend just passed away today I will miss her happy energy that she had until the very end, I will miss the warmth she always had for me.
Yesterday I could hear her paws scratching against the wooden floor today those sounds are only a memory. May the place you went to have lots of juicy bones just for you.

Embrace of the dark side, lust for power

2006-09-24T09:24:00.000-07:00

Who is the most alpha? Whose value I need to dimish to raise mine? Do I finally have everything down to the finest detail? Where is the love I used to feel? Who is in control? I am I powerful enough? Who is going to win? Have I lost myself?

Those were the questions I kept asking myself when I took a dangerous visit to the dark side of personal development and personal power.
What is the dark side you might ask? Dark side for me was made of pride, lust for power, power games, resentment, anger, jealousness, fear and feelings of unworthiness. It started as a innocent hobby but did grow to a dark blackhole that did consume almost everything. It caused me to eliminate everything in my life and in myself that I felt was weak, but no matter how much weakness I seemed to get rid off the more I seemed to have. People become pawns on a chessboard of social dynamics and I was there to win.
Having no control was out of the question, being vulnerable was unthinkable, seeing myself as average caused nausea. So where is the happy ending? How did I move from the dark to the light or did I?
I luckily found out that when I have the courage to admit honestly that I am vulnerable and weak I am at my strongest, when I have the courage and strength to love even at risk that I am hurt that is when I find myself happiest.
So I choose love, peace and respect as my way, and to have the courage to walk the journey of a weak, vulnerable and average man.